I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.