You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?