Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.