no, he came in my armpit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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