Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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