i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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