Nicole vs. Life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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