Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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