Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize