Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize