my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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