I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize