If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize