I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
