Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
