yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
