i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i think im in europe. pls send help
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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