first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
