And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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