Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
