yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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