Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize