Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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