I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
