I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
