dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
