My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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