I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
