I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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