i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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