News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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