I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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