just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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