I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
