His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
