Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
