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I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Randomize
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