My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.