if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize