Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.