My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
