the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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