so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
