So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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