Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
