you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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