I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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