arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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