Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize