p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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