Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
