Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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