Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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