I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
