i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
